I don’t have wounds from an abusive home. My parents weren’t alcoholics or druggies. They weren’t in jail. I wasn’t raped by an uncle. I didn’t lose a parent at a young age from death or divorce. I never lost a sibling to cancer or a car accident. But I have scars.
I “accepted” Christ at the age of 7. I grew up in a Christian home with two parents, a sister and a dog. I was literally at church every time the doors were open. I pretty much lived my life the way I wanted to and rarely sought God’s guidance. I knew He was always there and thankfully He protected me from getting myself into too much trouble. I pretty much only sought his help in emergency/desperate times. My dad is a pastor and when I was younger I thought that HIS good works would outset my rebellion. I guess I thought God looked at the family unit instead of us being held accountable for our own sins.
I never learned HOW to have a relationship with Christ. I never learned WHY reading the Bible was so important. I never understood WHO God is and WHAT that means to me. Somehow I only picked up on “Do this, this and this and Christians don’t do this, this or this.” But I never knew why. My view of being a Christian was basically this: You believe in Jesus. You get to go to Heaven instead of Hell when you die. You TRY to be a good person and when you aren’t you ask God to forgive you.
Over the past couple of years that has changed. I have been learning how to have a relationship with Christ, what it means to be a Christ follower, why reading the Bible is important and as a result my view of “being a Christian” has drastically changed. Although I have always believed in Christ as my Savior I never picked up on how that changes the way I live my life. I am now completely dependent on Him. I have given Him a blank check on my life. But I have wounds.
I am ashamed at the way I disobeyed Christ for so many years. I’m ashamed that I thought all I had to do was say a prayer, walk an aisle, get dunked in water and that’s all it took to be a Christian. I’m ashamed that I wasn’t a good example of being a child of God. I’m ashamed that I zoned out in Sunday school and church for many years. I’m ashamed I thought I had to be entertained at church and got bored when I wasn’t. I’m ashamed that I didn’t take my faith in Christ seriously. I’m ashamed that I ignored the poor, orphans and widows for years. I’m ashamed that I chased the American dream. I’m ashamed of so much. I know I shouldn’t let Satan get the best of me, but these feelings sometimes come to the surface. These are my wounds. I bared a false witness to my Creator. Religion was my biggest cover up for my sin. It breaks my heart to think that there are millions of people out there that are also covering their sins with their religion.
I have been given the opportunity to share my story on how “Radical” has impacted and changed my life to many people. As I started thinking about how God has been working in my life Satan keeps telling me things like: “You didn’t quit your job and sell everything and move to Africa, what makes your story so “radical?” or “You hardly sacrificed anything this year, you didn’t give up this or this….” or “You can barely quote scripture.”
The truth is I really don’t know why God chose me to tell my “Radical” story. Although my life has definitely changed and has impacted others over the past few years I still live in the 280 culture. Compared to so many people in my faith family my life isn’t all that radical. So although I am humbly grateful for this opportunity I feel completely unworthy.
I pray that God will communicate through me in a way that others will see His work in my life and their lives will be impacted for His glory.
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